Wake Up and Smell The Ruin

Isle of the Accountant Bastards
Session 8

As they wasted away a day sitting around Funky’s house and not having any motivation to do much of anything, they decided to go and see if they could track down the kids who were taken into the sea by that giant fish. After getting a raft from a guy who lived in Funky’s neighborhood, they pushed off to the Frigid Sea in search of children, in the dead of night. They found an island about a mile off the coast, and on it stood a large office building, with a few lights on. After managing their ways up to the fourth floor, one illuminated by light, they were promptly attacked by a group of scrawny mutants, armed with staplers, pens and briefcases, who were being directed by their gross boss a few floors up. After knocking quite a few of them out, their boss came down to see all of the commotion. He puffed up into a hulking monster, and handled Funky by throwing him down the center of the building. Eddie and SkiMask also wound up broken, thrown down into the lobby from the fourth floor, and after Explosion Cactus hid itself among the rubble, it snuck down to the lobby. Unable to carrying them, he used a spray bottle he bought from the herbalist in the city on his allies. The mushrooms on Funky’s back grow, and proceed to come to lumbering life; picking up his two unconscious comrades and carrying them out of the tower, before collapsing on the island’s shore. The sun rises, and Explosion Cactus is left alone with his fallen friends on the cold, jagged beach.

Mutant Ruins and the Prism Boys
Session 7

After the group saved the shore-side settlement of the fish monster, they settled down for a bit and took a little day trip into the ruins by the Shining Lake, while Funky stayed behind and hung out with his kids. In the ruinous wastes, the group hopped and fence and went further into the unknown. They came upon a radioactive giant creature, who was screaming and vomiting and chasing two soldiers in silver armor. The soldiers were in a run for their money, and the party rose against the giant to protect them.


Thanking them, the soldiers, including Adam Armuro and Captain Dezzick Marshall gave the group a ride to the Golden City’s east side. On the way, while healing up, they learned about PRISM’s Alpha Program, their special blood, and were also told that Zig, from the mango forest, is a PRISM operative too. The group gets brochures about the Alpha program, and a map that will tell them a bit more about the surrounding area. The PRISM convoy is heading back east, so they get into the armored vehicle and drive off. Suddenly Skimask realizes this scenery looks familiar; and climbing up a cliffside, finds the burned ruins of his old mansion. He remembers his former life. He remembers Gnosbrock, that dick who burned down his house and ruined his life. He remembers chasing him down this road. He screams at the sky. Afterward, the armored truck drops them off at Funky Harrison’s, and they return to Funky’s house to see what’s up.

"Get your flippers off my kids, you giant fish"
Session 6

Gunning their way through Filth City, the party drives on, through the wastes, through the swamp, past the ruined colosseum and the brilliant Shining Lake. Eventually, they arrive at Funky’s house. His son DJ, and six of his children, are there, and seem distressed. Apparently, children have been getting stolen from the village at midnight by a giant psychic fish creature, and his youngest daughter is next to be taken. The group spends the day arming the truck and building their arsenal to take on the monster. Barack Iguana equipped the truck with robot sentries that he can control from inside the car, using his computer. As midnight approaches, the team readies themselves, and meets the creature at the shore to launch an all-out assault on it. Funky slam-dunks a flamethrower into the fish’s mouth, causing it to explode and rain fish-guts everywhere.


Gassy Gordon and the Slippery Secrets of Gastown
Session 5

The group made it down the mountain and into GasTown.
Suspicious Gordon the Gas Monger wasn’t able to grant them the fuel, even if he wanted to— something beneath the town is drinking all of the gas. The group goes inside and faces the giant mud-monster, and barely escapes with their lives and a 5-gallon canister of gasoline.


In return they give Gordon a pair of robots.Camile lives here and is overjoyed to see her old beau, and joins the group. After some rocky relations, they’re off to the first testing facility; towards what Funky remembers to be his old home. They make their way around the cliffs, and enter the facility. There, a group of nerds who were being put through a simulation awaken, and help the party by pushing the truck down the mountain and into Filth City.

To Be Continued…

Strippin' Sonatas & Bustin' Up Bots
Session 4

As they near the mountaintop, they see the Sonata parked, fairly haphazardly, and shortly after, they see a person waving their arms at them, clearly not Harlock. It is Dr. Penelope Elmore, Harlock’s former PRISM colleague. She shut off the B34sT, and knew you were seeking revenge for what Harlock had done. Security footage shows that he had been there, a day ago. Fortunately she wasn’t there at the time. Elmore explains that Harlock was always a strange and cruel man— and his cruelty led him to take advantage of the simulation program and put subjects through extreme tests. She mentions that his lab is locked up, and she doesn’t know the code to get down there. After unlocking the door, the group ventures in. Inside they face a bunch of guard robots programmed to watch over the lab. They are built into the walls, and attack when the group enters. The gang destroys the machines with great swiftness, salvage their bodies, and find a few documents that lead them to where the other testing facilities are.




Sick Eddie finds an old revolver in Harlock’s basement lab as well, and the team spends the night on the first floor, talking about the stars and remembering what they can of their lives before The Simulation.

To Be Continued…

Over the Mountain and Through the Woods
Session 3

The group went into town and spent some time there learning what they could about the ‘wizards’ who live at the mountaintop. The townsfolk fear “The Beast”, a horrific, massive creature, that hunts and kills anyone who attempts to scale the mountain, except the wizards of course. The party climbs up the mountain in their awesome truck, only to be attacked by the giant monster itself; which is apparently made of metal, and has a bunch of eyes. Suddenly, the creature seems distracted, and runs off before it kills the party.

[[Strippin’ Sonatas & Bustin’ Up Bots | To Be Continued…]]

This Ol' Truck
Session 2

Through the night, they dream; Explosion Cactus remembers a Jeff-Bridges-looking man waving goodbye as he floats off into space. Sick Eddie remembers Ski Mask and him, together, getting into a bar fight, getting head-butted multiple times, and strangled by a guy with his hand missing.
They left the settlement as the day woke up, and met Barack Iguana, the telekinetic reptilian, who was being ejected from the village. He joined them, and they travelled the plains all day, through the soft snow. At the late afternoon, the group was attacked by a group of marauders, lead by a shitty show-off named Acrid, in a big armored truck.

After killing almost all of the raiders, they gained control of the truck and got some supplies from them.


Acrid was all messed up, so they brought him to the town at the base of the mountain.

To Be Continued…

Mangos For Breakfast
Session 1

They awaken, in strange hibernation chambers. Bill, Sick Eddie, Funky Harrison, Explosion Cactus, and Thelonius Skimask, watch a frantic, one-eyed scientist curse and scramble, attempting to run away. His name is Harlock, and he’s been running these 5 people, along with others apparently, through a series of simulations, harvesting data from their adventures in virtual space.

After Harlock drove off in his Sonata, the five found the ability to move again, and Bill explained that he signed up for the simulation, and works for PRISM, the company funding the research. Shocked to hear that the others were involuntarily included in the program, Bill makes a few calls and is teleported away.

Upon walking outside, the party learns that they are among a series of other simulation domes, the rest of which have become homes. The dwellers of these domes sit around and play table-top RPGs at an attempt to emulate their experiences in the false realities. The leader of these people, Perkins, tells the party that he will help them out by making them a map, if they bring him back some mangos from the forest nearby.

Equipped with LARPing weapons, they ventured into the wood. As they went along, they saw footprints of soldiers, but did not meet any. There they fought a group of cannibal mutants, and after busting some heads, came upon the mango tree. In the tree was a glamorous man named Zig, who claimed to be king of the mangos, and king of the forest. He tosses them some of the fruits, and then asks if they’d met any soldiers. He then gets a phone call, and after bidding the party and then hops off the branch and into the depths of the forest.

The party returns to the settlement, mangos in hand, and gives them to Perkins. He offers them shelter for the night, and they rest easy.

To Be Continued…

Welcome to your campaign!
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Wondering how to get started? Here are a few tips:

1. Invite your players

Invite them with either their email address or their Obsidian Portal username.

2. Edit your home page

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3. Choose a theme

If you want to set a specific mood for your campaign, we have several backgrounds to choose from. Accentuate it by creating a top banner image.

4. Create some NPCs

Characters form the core of every campaign, so take a few minutes to list out the major NPCs in your campaign.

A quick tip: The “+” icon in the top right of every section is how to add a new item, whether it’s a new character or adventure log post, or anything else.

5. Write your first Adventure Log post

The adventure log is where you list the sessions and adventures your party has been on, but for now, we suggest doing a very light “story so far” post. Just give a brief overview of what the party has done up to this point. After each future session, create a new post detailing that night’s adventures.

One final tip: Don’t stress about making your Obsidian Portal campaign look perfect. Instead, just make it work for you and your group. If everyone is having fun, then you’re using Obsidian Portal exactly as it was designed, even if your adventure log isn’t always up to date or your characters don’t all have portrait pictures.

That’s it! The rest is up to your and your players.


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